DAY 4

Yarrow chuckled. “Yes.”

“So you never went very far away?”

“No.”

“So you heard everything?” I asked sheepishly.

Yarrow smiled. “Yes and luckily for you I found it amusing.”

I have an embarrassed grin. “I’m sorry.” I apologized. Yarrow shrugged.

“You’ve been going through a tough time.”

“Well so have you.” I muttered then added in my head or at least you were going through a tough time.

“Then I guess we owe each other an apology.” He smiled. “I’m sorry I’m afraid that patience was never one of my virtues. Even after twenty years of living in the woods it still isn’t.”

I smiled. “I’m sorry too. I’m in a lot of…” I paused then said quietly. “Pain.”

Yarrow nodded but didn’t ask for anything more.

We said nothing more to each other for the next couple hours. I leaned against the rock enjoying the feel of the sunshine. Finally Yarrow stooped near noon and sat down next to me. I’d had some time to think over our conversation from the night before and I remembered some of the words he’d said to me. “Truth is I’ve always envied you for what you had.”

I glanced at Yarrow as he sat next to me. I was curious because he hadn’t really explained what he’d meant by that I’d asked him how old he was and that had changed the tide of the conversation. He’d also said that we weren’t too far from my house. I glanced around looking at the trees and sky. I couldn’t have told you where my house was or even what direction to go to get to my house.

Yarrow glanced at me. “You all right?” He asked.

“You said my house was near here?” I asked softly.

“Yes that way.” He pointed behind him over the cave mouth. I glanced back and realized that sun was coming from that direction. It still didn’t mean much to me though I would have died in the middle of the woods before I could have found my way home. Even though Tessa and I had built our house far from civilization she’d always been the one to know where we were. I had always been lost. I felt my breath catch in my throat as I suddenly realized I was lost again. And Tessa was not here to guide me.

Yarrow handed me a sandwich full of herbs and meat and I ate it slowly and unpationately. Yarrow glanced over when he was finished to discover how little I had eaten after he’d finished two sandwiches.

“Not so passionate about living today huh?” He asked.

I shrugged. Yarrow watched me for a couple seconds but I couldn’t hold his gaze so I turned away.

“Do you want to see it?” He asked.

I turned towards him. “What?” I asked. I’d been trying so hard to squash everything down inside had hadn’t been paying attention.

“Your house? Would you like to see it?”

I knew the answer to that. And Yarrow must have guessed by the way I perked up and turned towards him. He smiled weakly. “I will take you then.”

“When?” I asked.

“Not today and probably not tomorrow.”

I lowered my eyes just a little bit. “Okay so when?”

“Well if you’re a good boy and you rest up maybe the day after that.”

I nodded eager to accept any offer he had to give me. I wasn’t sure why I felt so drawn to go back to my house but I did. I wanted to go back. Maybe if I was honest with myself I could admit that I was secretly hoping my wife and children would be there waiting for me. But I wasn’t being honest so I just let the thought of going back be enough.

I spent most of that night and the next day anxiously awaiting the next day. I couldn’t wait. I knew physically it would be a hard trip and emotionally it would probably be a hard trip but I had to go. I had to know what had really happened.

Yarrow woke me just after dawn and helped me to my feet. For a guy older than everyone else he was very strong. He practically carried me up the hill side to the top of the cave. Once we were on top a mere twenty paces we stopped so I could regain my breath. I was breathing so heavily and I could tell Yarrow was concerned. He sat me down and I panted for a while as he pulled herbs from his travel sack. He handed me an apple. I raised an eyebrow. “Apples have healing properties?” I asked.

He chuckled. “No that’s just to give you some extra energy.”

I sat and let my feet dangle over the cliff. It was the perfect hiding spot. From up here you could not tell that a small cave was hidden below. After close to thirty minutes Yarrow helped me to my feet again. I relied on him heavily as I walked. I realized I needed a sort of cane but was too proud to say anything. Besides I didn’t need a crutch.

The path was well worn and the going was smooth enough. I could feel the sweat dripping down my cheeks and chest though. After only thirty feet I felt my legs collapsing and Yarrow helped me to a rock to sit against. He gave me more water and kept a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “You’re doing just fine.” He told me.

“No I’m not.” I panted. “I can’t even walk the distance from one house to another house this is ridiculous.”

“Marcos you were stabbed through the gut with a sword and then stabbed in the back as well. You’re walking merely a month afterwards. As far as I know no man has ever lived through such wounds you are doing just fine. Your healing, it’s just that healing takes time.”

I listened to Yarrow’s words but I couldn’t feel them. I guess I didn’t believe them. But I nodded anyway to get him to stop talking and leaned against the rock. I tried to breath like a normal person. Surprisingly enough the wound I’d received in my back when I’d been trying to kill the man in black hurt more than the wound I’d received through the gut. The stiches where burning and the sweat that was rolling off of me in waves was enough to drown someone.

I lay against the rock glad to not be moving or really living. After a couple moments Yarrow said slowly, “It’s just a couple more feet.”

“Couple?” I asked.

“Well about fifteen.” Yarrow said.

I shook my head in despair. “Fifteen feet until what?” I asked.

“Until we can see your land.” He said quietly.

I raised my head to look at him. “This is the cliff edge” I said softly. Yarrow nodded.

“It is.”

I stared at him. “You’re the shadow.” I whispered.

“The what?” He asked puzzled.

“Tessa always swore that she saw a shadow standing on the cliff edge watching us. I never believed her to be honest.”

Yarrow smiled. “Yes that was me. I would come out here once or twice a day to check on you and your family. I guess it helped me to be around people again even though I was madder then a hornets nest when you first started to build your house. I though civilization had found me again and I was going to move on.”

“Why did you?” I asked. “I mean for my sake I’m glad you stayed but why didn’t you leave?”

Yarrow shrugged. “Your children I suppose. I enjoyed watching them run around chasing each other or just playing games.”

“You were watching my children?” I think Yarrow heard the distress in my voice because he shook his head quickly.

“No, I was watching for you and your children. I liked it most when you would take them under your arms and swirl around.”

I smiled. “Tessa was always angry with me. She said I’d make them sick if I kept spinning them. Normally they didn’t get sick though.”

Yarrow chuckled. “I guess I miss my grandchildren.” He smiled. “Thing is though if I were still living in the great big city with all my money I’d probably be dead and I wouldn’t enjoy my grandchildren or their children anyway.” He sighed then glanced at the path. “Are you ready?” He asked softly.

I nodded and stilled myself for the small pilgrimage. Half supporting and half dragging me there Yarrow managed to take me to the cliffs edge. It wasn’t really a cliff just a large rock jutting out of the hillside. My children had often come up here to play. I was about to ask Yarrow if he’d ever seen them play when I moved closer and saw the scene down below.

Ash. That was it. Dark black and gray ash shifting restlessly on the land. I felt my knees collapse and I’d have tumbled over the edge of the rock if Yarrow hadn’t caught me and pulled me back. I stared at it.

It had taken me nearly two years to build that house. My young cousin Idithum and my brother Jacob had helped but mostly it had been me and Tessa working side by side. At least until she’d had Benjamin our son. Then I’d worked quickly and alone.

And now all the work, all the memories, everything was burned to the ground. Even the barn outback which I’d been working on to have a place for horses was gone. It was a large empty clearing.

But it wasn’t completely empty. Down near the pathway to the woods I saw two figures facing the road. I felt my breath catch. “That’s them.” I hissed angrily.

Yarrow looked to where I was looking and nodded. “Yes.” He whispered and I realized he sounded afraid. I glanced at him raising an eyebrow.

“You all right?” I asked.

He shook his head; he was literally turning green before my very eyes. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Those uniforms.” He said quietly. I glanced half-heartedly towards the men. I didn’t want to look at them. Those uniforms had haunted my nightmares enough the past couple weeks I couldn’t handle to look at them again.

“They’re the uniforms of the king’s guard.” Yarrow said he was a sickly pale green and grasping the rock so hard his muscles where turning purple.”

“So?” I asked.

“They work for the king.” Yarrow said. “Men like that destroyed my own house.”

I felt my stomach drop down into a deep pit. “Those men destroyed your house too?” I asked angrily. I felt my temper pitching to a level it had never gone before.

“Men who are like them.” Yarrow nodded.

I felt sick at heart. Yarrow turned towards me he was sweating greatly. “Marcos I must confess something to you.” He said weakly.

I knit my forehead. “Okay.” I said not sure I understood. “What?”

“I was here.” He said quietly. “I saw the men come in. Your wife gathered your children into the house and they didn’t even pause.  Just lit it on fire.” His voice caught in his throat. “And I just watched. I couldn’t move I was so horrified. I suddenly knew what had happened to my twins and the agony and pain and fear all came back to me and I thought I would die from the pain.”

I flinched away. Yarrow watched me move away. He rolled over and curled up. He began to puke into the bushes. I glanced at the guards and felt pretty sick myself. I closed my mouth.

Yarrow was responsible for my children’s’ death. He had helped kill Tessa.

But what good would it have done for an old man to run in try to save them? Yarrow would have been killed just as quickly as they’d tried to kill me. It made me sick. I started to wretch myself but I didn’t have enough in my stomach to really puke.

I got a hold of myself and turned to Yarrow. I put a hand weakly on his shoulder. “Come on.” I said softly “let’s go.”

Yarrow sat up he looked like he’d been through a war. He stared blankly at me and I wondered if he even knew who I was at all. Yarrow took several deep breathes then hauled himself to his feet. “You’re right.” He muttered to himself.

I wondered if Yarrow was having just as much an emotional upheaval as I was. Surely it couldn’t be easy to watch something happen twice. I couldn’t bear it once. I felt myself growing angry with Yarrow but I pushed it aside. I couldn’t afford to be angry with Yarrow not now, not here.

Yarrow stumbled slightly and I tried to steady him but I had no strength left so I stumbled and fell beside him. We both lay against the dirt breathing heavily. We stared out over the dead land. It was a horrible sight. I noticed with relief that the guards on the other side of the clearing had not noticed us. It was a good thing too in my current state I couldn’t have outrun them to save my own life.

They were waving their hands angrily at a man in a blue shirt. I felt myself sicken again. I knew who that person way. My cousin Idithum. He’d made every shirt he owned from blue fabric and only ever wore blue. I could tell it was Idithum from the faint cries we heard and the way he tried to brush his way past the guards. They knocked him to the ground easily. I jabbed Yarrow in the ribs.